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(+ extra verses and comments by the author)
I’m too debonair
To be left in the care
Of a monk who doesn’t know runes
He’ll cut off my hair
With an inch to spare
And force me to feed his baboons!
…and that means a trip to the cash and carry…
So I’ll slide down the stairs
In a crate of éclairs
With a cry of ‘Be back soon!’
Then I’ll tie up my wares
In a pair of green flares
And join up as a mounted dragoon.
…I say that now, but of course if they try and put me in beige…
So repair to the lair
Of Dominic Share
And sample his sampling spoon
The earlier phase
Of his childhood days
Was spent gazing up at the Moon.
Sampling spoon?…don’t ask…
Prepare to declare
That Yorrick the Fair
Sports the finest of all pantaloons,
He’s started a craze
With twice-monthly displays
Plus a stall of fresh baked macaroons.
…the recipe is pretty standard but the results are pleasant enough…
But beware of the stare
Of Duncan St.Claire
For he holds the Stone of Scoon
His piercing glare
Caused quite a scare
When three maidens approached him last June.
…there must be more to that story…
But what of this Pamella of Two ‘l’s?
Who some call Pamella Parallax?
Others call Pamella Parra ‘l’?
Still others call Pamella Parra-legs?
…we’re given to assume that the two ‘l’s in her name symbolize her long parallel legs…
In some parts it’s ‘Pamallegs Parot’
Elsewhere ham and eggs and a carrot
She lives in a pallace, (two ‘l’s)
Two parallel pillars adorn it.
…this dissertation has to be in by three o’clock tomorrow, and I’ve got nothing but a couple of pages of nonsensical rhyming triplets!!!…
I went to a scene in Killarney
After a fortnight kissing the Blarney
And now all the time
I cannot but rhyme
And eat copious amounts of pastrami.
…very little of the previous verse is actually true. I don’t only eat pastrami and I’ve never been to Ireland, and strictly speaking ‘pastrami’ is not a true rhyme with ‘Blarney’ anyway…
I went to a cottage in Stowe
And heard water gushing below
An underground stream –
Or so it would seem –
Under the house did flow.
…I’m taking it that that verse leads on to a story of some sort…
I proceeded to knock
Then I spied a proud cock
Scratching around in the dirt
Then the door opened wide
And I saw inside
A lady ironing a shirt.
…I hope this isn’t going to get…unsavory…and what happened to the strict
tumpty tum –air
tumpty tum -air
tumpty tum tumpty tum –oon
tumpty tum –air
tumpty tum -air
tumpty tum tumpty tum –oon
…actually I rather like that as a verse in itself…it has everything except for proper words…must be getting close to the bottom of the barrel now. How about if we make a list of all the remaining –air words and the remaining –oon words, and see what we can do.
-AIR WORDS
flair
savoir faire
jugged hare
(I think I can see something coming together already)
medium rare (oh yes, here we go)
tupper ware
great, a food verse in the offing.
-OON WORDS
croon
boon
balloon
tune (very iffy)
shewn (old fashioned word for ‘shown’)
strewn (past participle of ‘strew’)
immune
With cullin’ry flaire
And savoire faire
Something something –oon
The finest jugged hare
Within tupper-ware
Tumpty tumpty –oon
…No. Not up to par. Would that I could reuse ‘spoon’ and
To my cullin’ry flair
And savoire faire
Your taste buds will not be immune
The finest jugged hare
Straight from tupper-ware
That ever reached mouth from spoon.
…Good. Much better…shame we didn’t manage to work in ‘medium rare’…
A millionaire
With brill-creamed hair
Softly started to croon
But he had a rhyme spare
‘Medium rare’
And not enough lines in his tune.
…fantabular. But now that we have a food verse it seems logical to put it in after the Dominic Share verse, since that seems to be a gastronomique invitation of some sort too.
So repair to the lair
Of Dominic Share
And sample his sampling spoon
The earlier phase
Of his childhood days
Was spent gazing up at the Moon.
To his cullin’ry flair
Straight from tupper-ware
Your taste buds will not be immune
The finest jugged hare
Medium rare,
That ever reached mouth from spoon.
…straight from tupper-ware implies that this dish was eaten cold, and hence out and about, and again there must be some sort of story behind that. They were flying in a two-seater taking photos of the crop-circles, perhaps. Although the sampling of the dish initially occurred in Dominic’s lair, clearly he then sent them away with a tupper-ware box filled with the left-overs. Hence the name Dominic SHARE, indicative of his willingness to be generous with his fellows.
Who? Who was in the two-seater? Not Pamella, we can be sure of that for obvious reasons. Yorrick perhaps? Or Duncan St.Claire? Personally I wouldn’t want to be in the same county as Duncan St.Claire, let alone in a two-seater. Mind you, for that matter, I’m not sure how much time I would like to spend in close proximity to Yorrick the Fair either, what with the possibility of him displaying his pantaloons at any moment.
If you can shed any light on the perplexities herein contained, please don’t hesitate for an extended period before doing so.